The ball(s) that rolled into the corner...

It's April and it's been hard for me to blog because I haven't got success to report with regard to our budget and I hate acknowledging that publicly. But, I chose to create a public forum for our efforts specifically to make myself accountable, for failures and successes.  So I am publicly acknowledging that we have not kept all our balls in the air over the last couple of months, the Dave Ramsey ball definitely hit the floor awhile ago and I think is probably gathering dust in a corner. 

We started strong in February but I'd say probably by about 3 weeks into the month we'd both fallen out of our envelopes and not kept good track of things.  There just seemed to be so many things that we hadn't thought about that came up and didn't fit into the budget. 

We had our honeymoon in March, it was planned  months ago (by Dave, I only found out the details a week or so prior) and we did relatively well with our budget there (almost all cash we had saved ahead of time) but because of that trip and because we felt confused about the February budget we decided to start fresh in April.

It's now April 7 and we still haven't had our budget meeting.  We kept meaning to over the weekend but it got away from us till we were both tired and cranky and felt like it would be ill advised to start the process in that frame of mind.  Now it feels even more overwhelming because we need to account for the first week of stuff already spent.  

I'm extremely busy with work but it's not like that is likely to change. And I've got family crisis stuff going on with my mom, not to mention the ongoing demands of our blended household with three kids, two active careers, extracurricular activities and dogs.  This isn't the only ball I can't seem to keep in the air. Mealtimes feel like a disaster most times around here (I rarely manage a home cooked meal where we all sit around the table more than twice a month, if that), and there are always needs I feel we didn't anticipate.It doesn't help that we've got two teenagers in the house and one pre-teen who can be very sensitive and both Dave and I often feel gravely concerned about the lack of gratitude we get for the things we do manage to provide and to do for the kids and for the household.  We challenge them on it, guide their behavior in a different direction and try and understand that their self absorption is developmentally appropriate and not personal but it is still incredibly draining to not feel appreciated by the kids.

The situation with my mom is dire and pressing and is requiring regular, sometimes last minute trips for me out of state, lots of time on the phone and email with family and 4-8 phone calls a day with my mom herself trying to talk her through her fear and confusion when she has no one else with her. The dementia has progressed dramatically in the last few months.  I feel very strongly that it is time to move her to assisted living now.  She should  not be alone anymore at all.  My step dad still works full time and has no plans to retire for another 4 to 5 years. Obviously this is very tough on him too, he is losing his wife of 25 years and I know the thought of moving her out of the house is killing him, not to mention the financial strain of that will be very real.  But he cannot care for her in a way that is good for either of them anymore and I'm 6 hours away and can't move up there or move her down here right now.  So, please pray for us.  I've organized a family conference call this afternoon with him and all the extended family as well as mom's therapist to try and outline a plan for her moving forward that is something other than what is happening now.  I am ready to make this happen for her now and it's hard for me sometimes to let go of my authoritative nature and facilitate other people's time lines but that is what I must do, while advocating for mom in as genuine a way as possible. 

It goes without saying that all of this has left little time for other pursuits and I am feeling fat, out of shape and disconnected from the outdoors on top of it all.  UGhhh.

So, I know what I need to do, and I know that it is up to me to make it happen. I also know that failure in the moment doesn't mean failure forever and that I'm allowed to stumble and get back up. I just did not want to leave this forum empty.  I will keep the blog posted, hopefully with some sort of success story soon, no matter how small. 

Poised

Image found here

This week is passing slowly.  All three kids are here all the time and my mom and step-dad are staying with us as well.  I love everyone, yada yada yada.  BUT, the kids are driving me a bit nuts, more so because I know they are driving my mom nuts and that stresses me out.  My mom has early onset dementia of some sort, we're still trying to puzzle out if it is Alzheimer's or something else.  Any change in her routine is difficult, and being here, with three kids bouncing off the walls has her completely frazzled.  I encouraged them to stay at a hotel so that she could get quiet time away from us each day but the idea of that upset her too so we squeezed them into the house and as of last night my mother was making a whole variety of charming comments about how unruly the kids are and, by implication, how terrible we are as parents.  I constantly remind myself that her perceptions are impaired.  Not to mention that she's never been in a house with three active and physical kids before (I was an only child and a quiet bookworm at that).  Yes, they chase each other, yes, they wrestle, yes, they shoot each other with nerf guns and shout and screech and are generally rambunctious at times.  And yes, they are normal kids.  But my mom doesn't get that, and I can't be angry with her about it.  And it just generally sucks to watch her deteriorate and to miss the Mom who isn't there anymore.  My new blended family never knew her before this disease, they never knew my real Mom and that makes me terribly sad. 

I'm taking lots of deep breaths, and abiding. I'm trying to stay focused on the meals and the mess and the logistics of it all one hour or two at a time.  I know the week will come to a close, I'm looking forward to a break on New Year's Eve when we will escape to a party and leave my folks and the kids (and my step-mom who is also coming over, don't worry, no drama there) to fend for themselves.  And then the weekend will wind down, my folks will go home, two of the three kids will go to their mom's house, and then we will be back to normal and I can have table space and mental space to sit down and start working towards Financial Peace.  Our class starts January 9 and I can't wait.

We've done pretty well this holiday season.  We gave the kids clothing and cash and we've been talking a lot about wasteful spending and they've done well.  They even donated to our efforts to help some friends adopt a little boy with down's syndrome from a formerly communist country (www.hopeforian.org).  We didn't do much in the way of gifts for each other since we just had our wedding two months ago.  DH did give me a couple of books and we gifted each other the Financial Peace Kit. I'm baking today to have something to take when we visit my Dad and his wife this afternoon.  We incurred no debt for Christmas and except for a vet emergency a few months ago have been faithful to our commitment to not use credit cards at all.  I know the next step is to actually close the accounts but I think we'll need some support from our FPU classmates to help us actually take that step.  Our baby emergency fund is funded though, maybe if we beef it up a bit it will feel safer. 

We turned off our fancy premium digital HD cable and returned the Comcast DVR.  We now only get their highest speed internet which comes with 23 basic cable channels.  We bought a ROKU box for $80 and we spend $12 per month on Netflix streaming and DVDs and $8 per month on HULU Plus so we can stream tons of internet video content to our TV. We also gave up our landline.  The only people who called us on it were pollsters and telemarketers anyway.  We took our $200 per month Comcast bill and now with Comcast and the streaming subscriptions we are right around $50 per month total.

I signed us up for e-mealz (http://www.e-mealz.com/, sign up based on your favorite grocery store and they give you a menu of dinners for the week and a shopping list based on that week's sale items) and shopped with it last week while planning meals for 7 people in the house.  We spent a total of just over $200 and the receipt showed a savings of $57.00 based on all the sale items. I'm very excited about continuing with that going forward. I made a roast in the crock pot yesterday that the kids actually LOVED.  We're eating at my Dad's tonight and I've got everything ready for Beef and Vegetable soup for tomorrow and then a hamburger dish Saturday  night (my folks have promised the kids take out pizza for new year's).  That is all a huge improvement over the OMG it's 6:15 and I have no idea what I'm feeding the family let's go out for Mexican moments we usually have all too often.  And since I'm getting the Publix Low-Fat menu on e-mealz AND cutting out the emergency Mexican food and emergency Chinese food and emergency Pizza it will be good for our bottom line AND our waist line!

Everyone in the house is still sleeping, the children somehow dodged cleaning the kitchen yesterday so I can't see the countertops, and I need to get on with the day.  I feel better after writing this though, thanks for being out there blogosphere!